In search of the perfect

Though I'm more of a practical and realistic person, when it comes to the matters of life and living, I've always believed and continue to believe in idealistic things. Life has shown enough examples for me to abandon my belief. But somehow my conscience is unwilling to give up it's search. Probably the world has never seen a perfect lover or a perfect brother or anything perfect. Probably they are too rare. May be that's why I believe in God, because God is perfect. May be that's why I like Mr. Gatsby :).

Personally, I was never close to having an ideal life. Everything went against the idealist way in my life. But that doesn't stop me from believing in the existence of the perfect. Thinking scientifically, our lives are a combination of in-numerous independent events and the probability of each independent event being right is small, making the overall probability too small. But still it's not zero. There's a similar argument for whether aliens exist or not (check Drake equation). I would say that finding the perfect person is like finding an alien. I haven't seen either, so I can safely assume that aliens are perfect :).

It's very easy to say that nobody is perfect. But, is there a perfect? This is the most important question in my life. Because I ask to myself whenever I do something "Am I aiming towards the perfect?".

Good morning Bangalore!

Though it's been more than a year since I settled here, I never got a chance to write about it. With its so called "cool weather", diverse cultures and fuzzy language, Bangalore is unique in its own way.

Though I'm not a fan of the cool and breezy weather here, I surely have reasons to hate it. The air is highly polluted and it made me sick more than once. I started wearing a mask while driving and it helped me a lot. And yes, the mask is just $20/- :P (thinking in dollars helped me forget that Bangalore is a very costly city :)).

Coming to the its language, kannada, it is both near and far from telugu. Some words are common in both, but many telugu words means something completely different in kannada. So I'm having a bad time trying to learn kannada. But it has been self-imposed on me to learn this language ASAP, so that I can interact well with people in orphanages and help them more (swalpa swalpa kannada does not really help).

Last but not the least, I'm having great fun working for my company and so far I did extremely well (my manager is too happy about me :P). I just hope that my salary grows exponentially so that I can realize my dream of building a big orphanage and help all the poor and good people.

Life's reached its equilibrium

My life's been too long. A lot and lot of things have happened. And finally it had to be this way. I knew it, but couldn't guess how. It's all the game of the almighty.

Oh! if you haven't figured it out yet, it's simple. It's like a dip in the holy Ganges. And all you'll see after that is real. The real world with helpless people struggling and struggling all their life. I see them all the time, but I can't do much. It's worthless though if I just said it that way. I will have to do something and I've started it. Lets hope for the best.

Physics and Philosophy have regained their importance. Teaching Physics at the orphanage did bring back my interest on it. And Philosophy is always needed in the matters of social service.

Past has been crucified and buried long back. The characters still play a role during the prayer. I continue to pray for the well being of those whom I love.

Life has finally reached the equilibrium, It'll change only when the terminate button is pressed.

The dark world

Heard the song "Yeh duniya agar mil bhi jaaye to kya hai"?. This article is based on it. You can listen to the song here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSo3KVwrp8M

--

I see the people, all of them,

insane and dark.

Selfish motives,

only to die one day.

Mean and heartless people!

Where are those?

Those who truly love,

those who truly follow their dharma.

Of what avail is it,

if I prove myself?

If I prove that,

I truly love and do my duty,

what will I gain?

Am I selfish in asking the gain?

But without gain, there is only pain.

I can't die. Nor can I escape the pain.

I will bear it! I will sacrifice my"self".

I will prove myself, for they say

that after pain comes true love,

like lightness comes after darkness.

In the corner of the lab

In the corner of the lab,
lies a lonely kid who works and works and works.
Once in while does he try to get noticed,

but ends up boring his observers.

Far away lie his pals and far away are his parents.

And hence he is alone.

Very thankful to a dear friend,

he gave the chair beside him to her.

But she never sits.

Very grateful to his God,

he gave his heart to him.

But sadly he never comes.

He works tirelessly, but neither for fame nor name.

He works for his Lord.

And he waits patiently,

for he thinks that his Lord will come for him

and his friend will sit beside and help.

Days and years pass, but nothing ever happens.

Ultimately, tired of work, he reaches the end of life.

Not withstanding the pain of waiting, he starts crying.

Then, suddenly, he hears his friend's voice from inside,

"I am you, living in you all the time. I'm the God."

With those words, the little kid leaves his last breath,

the kid who used to sit in the corner of the lab.

A whining kid

Lot of people know that I act like a kid. But, sometimes, I act like a whining kid; complaining and fighting over silly things. And I think I should get rid of that :). There is a quote by Eckhart Tolle, which says:‎

"To complain is always non-acceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness."

Therefore I should completely stop complaining and accept the situation as it is.

When a little kid falls and gets hurt, his mom will try to soothe him by saying "Don't worry, the pain will go.". But when the kid grows, he starts attributing it to something and tries to satisfy himself making that something a reason for his bad luck. A little kid would not do so, because he would not even understand why he got hurt. And I think we should all be exactly like little kids. Because we don't know why things happen they way they are and why we get hurt.

Sadly, I have fought like a bad kid with many of my friends. Recently too, I fought with a dear friend and acted very bad. I fought over silly things like "why are you thanking me so much?", "why are you not smiling?", etc. Thinking back, they look so stupid and meaningless reasons to fight. Luckily, I have a really good bunch of friends. And this dear friend explained me how much of havoc I created and forgave me for my mistake. But I may not be lucky all the time and I should learn to be like a little kid who just cries when he gets hurt, but doesn't complain to anybody. Its that innocence which makes them Gods.

Sage-ified!

After all, I am named after the great sage "Kashyapaha". Isn't it justifiable to be like to him?

Let me tell you why I think I am a sage:

1. I eat twice a day, sometimes only once. Other times, I fill my stomach with fruits, milk, biscuits, etc.

2. I try to be affable and very helpful to people. That's how so many people know me.

3. I utter Ram Chandra ji's name all the time. Always singing and walking in the department, I am well known for the noise I make.

4. I spend most of the time alone, because there are very few people, whom I think are my friends and relatives. My heart is with someone, soul with Ram ji, and body is busy with work. So there is nothing left with me, as my own. Friends come and go, parents can't stay with me. So I've decided that I will stay alone in life.

5. Sage also means a wise person. Not many, but there are few who think that I have a good head. But I am surely not an egghead.

6. Sages are always happy, laughing and sometimes cunning too. Though I am not that good at this, but still, I am happy most of the time because I have nothing to worry about. And I am very cunning also. I often lash doors when somebody is inside and run away. Once, somebody showed me a book and asked me who's book it was and if he could take it to his room and read. I told him to just take it home and if somebody complained, then put it back clandestinely.

7. Last but not the least, don't I look like a sage in the picture?, think of the bottle as kamandal(am)(u). It was given by my sister. I guess she too knew that I was going to be a sage.

Aren't the seven points cogent enough to prove that I am a sage? If not, talk to me and you'll surely agree. From now on, call me "Sage Kashyap" :-).

Hide and seek

I seek from them, my strength, happiness and love.

They are the sweet kids of my father,

and they play hide and seek all the time.

Some can hide well and some cannot.

Some hide faraway and some close by.

Wherever they are, I cannot forget them,

for they are all my own siblings.

Winning or losing does not matter,

what matters is whether they are

in the game or not, for it gives me

hope that I will find them one day.

Sometimes my heart longs to see

a few who always try to hide.

But they say that when I grow old

and when this game gets boring,

my father would come and take me home.

There I can rest on my mother's lap

and watch others play the game.

Relations

What are these which form and break

like the bubbles in a foam.

Who makes them? And why?

May be I innocently make them,

even though they don't last long.

Expectations kill them and

hide them without my knowing.

But what is wrong in expecting?

What is wrong in expecting

a father or a mother to be kind and caring?

a brother or a sister to be nice and supportive?

a friend to be good and helpful?

May be the world has grown bad.

A friend is made when there is need

and is left just after it is over.

A brother or a sister would forget you

once they find their mate.

But those two are the poor ones

who care for the obvious reason

that I am their successor.

Oftentimes I wonder why

we need such relations.

Those futile ones where

there is no love, no value.

May be I don't need them.

I can still help others for

I love and pray for all.

Thence I break them all but one,

the one with my own self.

True friends

I'm a rock by the side of the ocean,

moving slowly into it each second.

Many grains meet me in commotion,

but none would stay till the end.

There are my true rocky friends,

trudging behind me till my death.

I always feel their love, as each sends

it from the inside, from infinite depth.

--

Inspiration:

1. My home town Visakhapatnam is located in the coastal area and has a very beautiful beach.

2. My true friends like my mom, sister, etc., who stay away but still love me a lot.

Committing? But why?

Every now and then friends ask me why I don't find a girl and become committed. Last night another friend asked me the same question. Therefore I have decided to write a blog on it.

I believe in following my duty (dharma). I think that this is the time for me to study and get a good degree. To me, committing to a girl is not a simple thing. It is not falling before her and telling 'I love you'. I need to get a nod from my mother, my sister and all my close friends. It is important because those are the people who are the reason for what I am now.

If a person really loves you, then you too love him/her. What is the need for securing and tagging the relation as "committed". As they say, time is the real tester. If that person really loves you and understands you, then he/she will wait for you. Otherwise that person will leave. And if you leave that person in between, he/she will understand that you are a cheater. I don't think there is need to become "committed" and do something something. Being good, great and best friend is enough to love a person. I am not talking about romantic love here. I am talking about the type of love that one has towards their parents, siblings, etc.

Haven't you watched 3 idiots? What did the heroine do? Didn't she wait for him till the end? And did the hero marry somebody else? No. That's why it is true love and that's why it is a movie ;).

Another issue that crops up here is issue of following tradition. I am a brahmin, a very strict brahmin :). According to my family customs, I should go for an arranged marriage. But I don't believe in arranged marriages. Arranged marriages make sense only when they are done at a very young age and the person who arranges it is really great and has the power to see the future. I don't think such things can happen now a days. Every tradition has such obsolete stuff and we should think before following them.

The final question that is left is "What if there is difference in traditions between the two who love?". Last semester, one of the HS profs, Shreesh Chaudhary Sir, asked this question to the students - "Lets say that you marry a person who speaks a different language. Which language do you want your children to learn?". Believe me, it is a very tough question to answer :). I feel that love is magical and it transcends customs and traditions. If great Rama Chandra decides to do that way, then there is no choice but to respect him and follow the difficult track.

A little kid

Kashyap is a little kid -

• who likes to turn his way to the cry of a meow and say hi to it. The cat stumbled upon the sudden greeting of a human turns dumb till he leaves. But the little boy wanted the cat to say "hi".
• who likes to make his birthday party with the help of his family and call all his friends to his home. But his home is far away and only his sister lives near to him and she doesn't like to celebrate birthdays.
• who likes to whistle and wake up the dogs in the early morning. He would say "Good morning!" to them, but they would be lazy and ignore him.
• who thinks that he is a superman and takes up everything. But finally he finds that he is a normal human and struggles to finish the things he takes.
• who likes to fight kung fu with his elephant brother. But his brother has grown weak and his elephant trait has long vanished.
• who likes to fight with his sister saying "You are my monkey sister". But his sister would never say "You are my donkey brother".
• who likes to stay with his mother and work for her. But fate holds him tight and only lets him see his mother work for him all the time.
• who likes to make friends with all good people. But an old friend taught him that not everybody will be good to him and not everybody can love everybody.
• who likes to cry if somebody insults and accuses him. But his family would run and console him.
• who likes to live a good life with the help of his great lord Rama Chandra. But his lord never cared to look at him even once.

Ah! it is so tough to love all

All the time I have been believing that one should love all human beings. But I find it very tough, much tougher than anything I ever did. Every time I think that I have mastered the art of loving all, I face a situation where I fail in it. Life has become like a game between me and the Lord. He has been winning all the time. I just hope that in the end, I leave the game with a draw, if not with a win.

Today I realized that the six emotions called kama, krodha, moha, madha, lobha, and ahamkara are the cause for all the problems. They are very much related to love. You'll be able to show love only when you understand that these emotions play with not just you but with any being. You can get rid of these bad emotions only through practice and with the help of yoga. "This" is a very interesting article on these emotions. In the end, it says that only when we are aware of these emotions, we can do something in life. It is a very good practice to take a few minutes in a day and think of how you got affected by these emotions and how can you improve yourself.

Back to the topic of love, you need to understand that others are just like you and often get affected by these bad emotions. Only then you'll be able to love them. Here are few examples from my life:

1. A friend whom I helped many times is about to get his degree. And he doesn't need any help from me now. Now when I wish him casually, he would not reply and instead shouts at me saying why I am talking to him. He is one of those who thinks that life is just to marry, enjoy and leave. Since he is going to get his degree, his next need is to get a girl. He doesn't care about anything else. He is completely played by these bad emotions. I need to understand it and love him. I should not get hurt. There are many people who think that life is over after getting a degree and marriage. I don't think, now a days, anybody thinks of "moksha", "understanding life and god", etc. as their goals. I am an old fashioned person, so I believe that my goal in life is to understand life and achieve "moksha".

2. There is a person who was a very good friend, whom I cared a lot and helped a lot. And it happened like the story of kings in the history, where a king brings his child with great care and love, but the boy thinks "Let me put my father behind the bars, I can become the king" and puts his father in jail. It is ahamkara, which is the cause of the problem. Similarly that person, who was a very good friend, forgot everything I did and blamed me for spoiling her life. And she forced me to break friendship and leave. So I did what she wanted.

2. God has given me a brother and sister. Both of them are very alike. They get angry and frustrated easily. My sister gets frustrated by small small things. And my brother gets angry easily if I say something against him. Though I tell them not be angry, they quickly forget. Nevertheless, they love me very much and I love them too. Therefore I don't mind if they are angry or shout at me, I just warn them that they should bear things and not get angry quickly. I can bear them, but tomorrow they may stay with somebody who does not have so much love and patience. Then it will be a problem.

The art of loving is to adjust ourselves as much as possible and not to pain others. It doesn't mean that you should leave Dharma. One should always stick to his/her Dharma. I am a student and my Dharma is to study well. I can't forget it and enjoy all the time giving treats and parties, even though it may make many happy. Love is not to impress others. It is to understand their problems and feel for it. If you can do something for the other, good. But if you can't, you should bear the pain. For example, when I go out of my institute, I see so many child beggars. Seeing them my heart melts like ice, and I start giving whatever I can. But still it doesn't make me happy. Imagine how many such people will be there in our country. In my current state, I can't do anything but bear that I am incapable. Even the ten rupee note I give to a child may not make him happy. Most likely he will misuse it. Therefore we should understand that all we can do is love them, and try to help them. We may not know whether the help is really helpful or not. The only little fruitful help I do for the poor is praying god, requesting him to help them. That's all I can do, and I am doing it.

I am a big fan of Lord Rama Chandra, who has a very loving heart. Words are not sufficient to describe him. The best ones which could describe him barely are some beautiful songs. One among them, which I found recently, is mAmava paTTabhirAma (Click here for lyrics). The song describes the pattabhisheka of Rama, after returning to Ayodhya after aranyavasa. The song is just marvelous.

Oh why do I crave?

Today is a great day for I have re-learned a good lesson. The lesson that you should not crave for people, but love them. Long ago, may be a couple of years back, I used to think of love as craving, to twaddle around praising the beloved. But after making good friendship with friends like Vinu, I understood that I was wrong. The foolish claims of granny and grandpa also strengthened my understanding of love and craving. But still I fell into his[1] trap and started craving.

Lets see how I fell into his[1] trap. I live an independent life, mostly a lonely one. I live by the principle that you should love everybody. Love, to me, is simply "being open to experiencing the anguish of another person's suffering. and the the willingness to live with the helpless knowing that we can do nothing to save the other from his pain". I care about those who love me back. But very few people care about me and love me. The most important ones are those in my family. None of them except my sister is here. Now she is also going to leave in few months, making me completely lone person. This fact has been stressing me to think more about her. I have been trying to serve her in some way or other, like cleaning her desk, etc., even though she doesn't need (She's more independent than me). And one day I stupidly thought that I should enjoy with her. But she is busy with her project. So I started craving for her. My anguish forced me to pain her many times. Finally, today I realized the fact that I have been craving to be with her for last few days. And I took good action to avoid it. This is what happened today:

Today, I took my sister's cycle and when I went to return the keys, I thought I would enjoy with her for few minutes, which is what I have been craving for. So I went to her lab and handed over the keys. Then I said that I would sit for few minutes. But she told me to leave. And I didn't leave. She requested me once again. But I didn't leave. So she got angry and left. Then I realized my foolishness and told her (via mail) that I would not talk to her for the next one month.

By not talking to her, I will stop thinking of how to get to her, and start loving her in the right way. If I love her truly, from inside my heart, the only thing that matters is how she is doing and not what she has done for me. I believe that she loves me as a brother and cares about me. It is my fault to doubt her and indulge in craving.

Moral:

It is not easy to avoid craving and it is very tough to avoid craving for those whom you like. My solution to it is to re-establish the love from both sides. Staying away from those who love you is the greatest pain. Even great Rama Chandra couldn't bear it and thought of destroying the whole world for the sake of Sita. But since he loves all the beings, he refrained from destroying the world. He is my favorite person and he helps all those who love him, without any discrimination. The best example is the story "Gajendra moksha", in which he completely forgets everything and starts running to save Gajendra.

---

1 - 'his' refers to Lord Ram Chandra's

Kulting my sister's cycle

Today is special, I had my first brush with kulting(stealing) stuff, that too my sister's cycle! Want to know what really happened?

--

Daily I check whether my sister has come back or not. On seeing her reply to my mails, yesterday morning, I thought that she has come back. Later in the evening, I saw her cycle near the department, which convinced me that my thought was right. On seeing the cycle, I found that its front tire is punctured and the cycle is in very bad state. I have used her cycle many times and I thought that it was time for me to repay back. But if I ask her politely for the key, she would never give me. She told that she cares about me. So she would not allow me to get pained. Therefore I tried to open the lock with my own cycle key :). And to my surprise, it worked as if it is the right key. But again there was another problem. There won't be any cycle shops open in the evening and I could not take it the next morning because she might be searching for it. "My bad luck", I thought, and I locked her cycle and left.

Later in the night, I met Prateek from TCS lab and inquired him if she is really back or not. And he told that she has not come back. "So I still have a chance to get her cycle repaired", I thought. Unlike helping other friends, it is tough to get a chance to help my sister. She does everything on her own, a very big independent :P. So I decided not to lose this chance.

After waking up in the morning, today, I unlocked the cycle with my key and dragged it to my hostel (I usually sleep in the lab). After going to my room, I felt lazy and wasted lot of time browsing stupid stuff. And by the time I got ready, it became noon. Then I came out thinking that I would give the cycle to the repair shop. But to my astonishment, I could not find it. "Oh God! where is the cycle? If I lose it, she will kill me!", I said to myself. Then I asked the security guard. Pointing to her cycle, he asked "Is this the cycle you are searching for?". "Yes, yes!", I said. "Tell me your room number and name. Somebody filed a complaint against you. You stole his/her cycle", he said. At first I got scared, I thought "Who might have noticed me bringing her cycle? I was very careful while unlocking it, nobody was around". But again I convinced myself that it is my sister's cycle and I brought it this far to repair it and there is nothing wrong in that. I daringly told him "Yes! I brought the cycle. It is my sister's. And I brought it to get it serviced". I was thinking of who that person who complained might be. Many questions popped out of my mind - "Did Shiny sell the cycle to somebody? or did Shiny herself has come and complained against me?". So I asked him, "Who is that person who complained? What is her name?". He told that a house keeping servant (woman) came and complained. "Ah! now I understand", I murmured. Shiny knows few cleaning servants in the department. So she might have given her cycle to one of them temporarily or may be permanently.

Then I ran to the department, to find that person. I went there and searched near all the bogs. I never got a chance to know where these serving people stay. Finally I met a woman and when I said two magical words - "Shiny", "cycle"; her faced glowed like thousand volt bulb. She started talking in Tamil and I don't know Tamil. She put all kinds of expressions on her face (tensed, weeping, etc.) and I understood that she got properly pained. "How much trouble I caused her", I thought. For us, losing a friend's cycle is merely an issue of money. We can buy a new cycle for him/her. But for them, it is different. Rarely do people give them things they can't afford and losing those things is awful and sad for them. In this case, she has to return back the cycle to my sister and if she loses it, it will be a big problem.

So I had created hell lot of trouble for her. "Now it is the time to set things right", I thought. I brought a Tamil speaking friend from RISE lab and with his help, she and I had come to a decision that we would go back to the hostel and get the cycle. And after that I could give it to the repair shop. While going back to the hostel, again by walk, I bought her some biscuits to calm her down. She looked more tensed than me.

There is one last twist left in this story. When we reached the hostel, the dumb security guy :P had sent the cycle to CCW office. "Now the cycle is gone.", I thought, "Impossible to get from CCW, they would have chained it and thrown somewhere". And when we went there we found the poor cycle chained and put along with the other lost ones. "Time to beg and fall on their feet, we can't lose the cycle at any cost", I said. We did not have any documents of the cycle. But we would not give up. So we went in and started requesting. In my most respectable tone, I started asking for cycle - "Sir Sir, my sister's cycle sir :P. Please give it back". And I told the whole story and she too told the same in Tamil. He got very confused and asked "I still don't understand you both". Luckily there was clever guy beside him who understood and explained him. I guess he was in good mood and he allowed us to take the cycle back. "Huh! at last! we got the cycle. Thank god", I said and we took the cycle back. I told her to go back on her own and I went to the repair shop and finally gave the cycle for servicing.

Let me not share this story with my sister :). I will tease her by telling it later and she'll get real angry for doing all this :D. Ha ha ha...

Partly Cloudy

"Partly Cloudy" is an amazing short film by Pixar Animations. When I watched it for the first time, I could not stop watching it again. Even after that, I watched it many times. If you have not watched it, you can watch it here.

What strikes me the most is the theme of friendship, the film portrays. It reminds me of my own friends. That is why I like to watch it again and again.

It starts with an innocent dark cloud who is lonely and doesn't have good creative skills compared to other white clouds. With some effort, he creates a small alligator. The important thing to note is that he likes the things he creates. To him, all his creations are good. According to that world, birds carry these creations and drop them at right places. And for the birds, his creations are not so liking.

After he is done with his creation, he waits for some bird to come and carry it. But being at a lower level than other clouds, and being a dark cloud may be, none of the birds come to him. This situation reminds me of my old days in my school. I joined a new school in my 4th class and continued till 10th. I used to be the most silent person. And for one or two years, I never had good friends. Also I was not a clever guy and being very silent, nobody used to talk to me. I used to be fat too. I guess, these traits scared people off. And may be because of that I still crave for friends and people to talk.

Going back to the film, a weak bird finally approaches him. Though it is weak, it decides to work for him. He was very happy that finally a bird came to him. He makes friendship with the bird and the bird too makes him a friend. The bird bears all the pain of his creations and cheerfully works for him. The bird is the ultimate symbol of this film. I can compare it with all my good friends who stay with me in spite of my painful bugging and caring. I still remember my sister Shiny telling me that she introduced me to her old friend as the "new bugging IIT friend!". I was so happy for that. It never mattered to me that I am so bugging and caring. She was the first to understand me and I was perfectly fine with her introduction.

Back to the film again, the bird becomes too tired and seeing that the other birds are having good time, it decides to leave. This scene is very common to me. It reminds me of all those friends who "used" me and left. I too cried like the cloud many times. Back to the school days again, few years after joining, people found that I am good at maths and started making friendship. They are all false friends who befriend me because they want something from you. And when their need is over, they will leave. I had to learn this lesson the hard way. I used to feel very bad when a friend leaves. Now I understand how foolish it is to feel like that. Still I allow people to "use" me. But when they leave, I pity them. Thanks to Granny for teaching me this lesson. I hope one day she'll understand what friendship is.

Once again going back to the film, the twist in the story is that the bird doesn't really leave. It goes to another cloud for help. And our black cloud doesn't know that and starts crying. This teaches two lessons, the first is that true friends never leave you and the second is that true friendship is valued by everybody. The second lesson can be inferred from the fact that the other cloud tries to help the bird bear its friend's pain. I never had any friend who left me and came back. I hope I will never bring such situation, like that of the bird, to any of my friends.

Finally I want to say that friendship, like any good relation, needs understanding and bearing of pain. Friendship doesn't mean that the friend will bring heavens down to you. Neither does love. Friendship is also a form of love. And hence you can bear the pain happily, unlike an unwanted relation.

Happy sufferer

Last few days I haven't had good sleep. Hence I decided to sleep for a long time today. But I did not get sleep. So I started thinking on this topic - "We suffer so much in our life, but why?". Suffering due to our work is easily explainable. We endure the pain of work because:
a) we like the work or
b) we like the outcome or
c) we are forced to do it or
d) we like to get pained just like that :P

There are other higher forms of suffering which are not so easily understandable. As usual let us use the lens of love to understand these things.

1. I like Rama Chandra not just for his greatness, power, etc., but also for being a great sufferer. It is said that Rama and Sita are one of those unfortunate couples who suffer the pain of separation all through their lifetime. He missed her for so much time. And when he finally was able to meet her, he put her to a test of purity. Imagine the pain he would have suffered. Even after the pattabhisheka(act of becoming a king), he had to leave her to forests (according to Uttara Ramayana). He always inspires me in times of suffering. The suffering is often called "Viyoga-duhkam" - the lack/loss of wife.
   
2. Suffering does not mean being sad. People who suffer can also be very happy. Suffering and happiness can be completely independent. Being happy is the best way to take the pain. Being sad is the worst way to take pain as you would suffer more.
3. If we think carefully, we'll find that love is the reason behind both happiness and suffering. That's why understanding it is not easy. Here suffering is not first order affect of love. It is the suffering to achieve the love. For example, Rama would not worry if Sita goes to Janaka's house(first order does not cause pain).
4. How does love cause suffering?. According to me, conflicts in love give raise to suffering. The conflicts have to be resolved using some laws like "dharma". Rama loves the people and also loves Sita. He cannot accept her without testing her purity because it will conflict the love towards people. Hence he uses dharma and puts her to a fire test to achieve both love. Here Sita suffers as she had to jump into the fire which can potentially kill her. But she loves Rama and can bear any amount of pain. Love also helps in bearing the pain.
5. Does love demand action? It does when coupled with dharma. You can always say "I love all" and leave things as they are. But the point here is that you should love all equally. Can Rama love Sita and Ravana simultaneously and leave Sita to him? No! That would be mean that he is loving one more than another. Again this is a conflict and dharma comes into picture. Another way to interpret this is that Rama loves both equally, but he would help Sita only because she has been praying for help. Helping her is rightful than helping Ravana according to dharma.
6. Thus, love coupled with dharma would be a very powerful tool to understand life. Prof Ganesh used to say that one should have an anchor in life. For him, it is dharma. He tries to see through the lens of dharma.
7. Having an anchor is very important in life. People often choose the easiest one - "take the least painful choice". If that is the anchor in your life, you keep on avoiding things which are painful. You can easily lead a life but would never achieve any fulfillment or understanding of life. Some people go for "best output" as their anchor. I don't like that even. What is the point of doing something which you don't like even if the outcome is something great. My anchor is always "love+dharma". One should always follow one rule and should not vary it according to situation. Often we try to follow something in one and something else in another situation. Best example would be acad life and personal life. In acad life you do things which you like. But in personal life you do things just to take away the pain. We try to avoid people/things/issues which are painful.
   

Examples from my life:

1. When I want something which my papa does not like, there is a conflict. Simply said, the first order pain of love is the pain caused by you. I would not cause pain to my father and instead love him and do what he said. That's what dharma says. That something which I loved can still be loved but not given priority. If it is a human being, there is a problem. I can treat him/her in the same loving way. But if they are still unhappy because of me, I have no choice. Either I have to break the law and choose one of them - papa or the human being, or I have to suffer endlessly throughout my life.
2. My granny is one perfect example for me. I treat her like any of my friends. But she is innocent and always tries to avoid me. I try not to cause any pain to her. And hence I suffer because I have to avoid her. But there is no problem in suffering as I am always happy, a part of which is derived from the fact that she is happy if I stay away. Again suffering is second order like hiding, running away :P, etc.
   

I hope my understanding of things help you in times of suffering and make you a "happy sufferer".

---
Kashyap

Hari Tum Haro

"Hari Tum Haro" is one of the greatest songs written by Mirabhai. Lets see what Wikipedia says about this song:

"Hari Tuma Haro is an Indian bhajan or devotional song by Mirabai, the poet saint. Mahatma Gandhi reported this song to be his favorite. Gandhi once expressed the wish to hear M S Subbulakshmi sing the song. Subbulakshmi answered that she had not practiced the song. Gandhi replied that he would rather hear her speak the Hari Tuma Haro than hear someone else sing it. Feeling obliged, Subbulakshmi recorded the song and had the record delivered to Gandhi on his 78th birthday. After Gandhi's assassination, radio stations played Subbulakshmi's recording of Hari Tuma Haro repeatedly after announcing the death of Gandhi." [ Taken from Wikipedia ]

It is a very nice and pleasant song. It is available in Youtube and also in the Lan (for IITM students). One should surely try listening to it if one likes slow songs. Here are the lyrics and their translation:

*hari tum haro jana ki pīr
(O Hari(Krishna), end the human suffering)

draupadī kī lāj rākhī tum badhāyo cīr
(By lengthening Draupadi's garment,
thou hast saved her from disrobement)

bhakta kārana rūpa narahari dharyo āp śarīr
(Thou wearest the human cloak (through avatarhood) to protect your devotees)

hiranyakaśyapa mār līnho dharyo nāhina dhīr
Thou hast slayed (asura) Hiranyakasipu in thy fiercest form (Narashimha or Man-Lion)

būdate gaja rāja rākhyo kiyo bāhar nīr
(Thou hast recused Gajaraj (cf. Gajendra Moksha), by taking him out of the water.)

dāsi mīrā lāl giradhar
(O Lord Giridhara, sings thy servitor, Mira)

Another meera song, which is very good is enadhu uLLame.

Fun with kids

I woke up just now and I still remember the fun I had yesterday. Last weekend, many of my friends also had fun. Shiny went to her relatives' house. Gay and his gumble(akila, ramya, etc.) had fun at his house. Vinu went home. As far as other friends like TS are concerned, they are non-religious and hence this weekend is like any other weekend for them.

Back to the point, I had good fun. It was my cousin's birthday yesterday. I went to their house in the morning, at around 10:30. And my favorite movie, "LavaKusa", was being played in the TV. It is really good movie and I can't stop watching it. How many times I see it, it always looks new. The love between Sita and Ram is quite appealing and is shown excellently in that movie. Its story is based on "Uttara ramayan", which is the Ramayan after Rama kills Ravana and goes back to the kingdom.

After the movie is over, we had lunch and we started decorating. As usual, I slept late the previous night and felt very sleepy. Though decorating is a tedious job, it brings the part mood to all. The "happy birthday" balloons hanging all over, some stuck to the walls, cheer me all the time. I felt like my own birthday. I don't remember celebrating such a party for myself, may be I had one when I was too small. After the decoration, my uncle and I went to get the 2 KG cake which was ordered the previous day and some chips and drinks. All this time, when we were working on arrangements, my aunt was cooking so many good stuffs - bajji, bonda, etc.

While all these were happening, the evening sun rang the party bell and we quickly winded our work and dressed ourselves for the merry time ahead. The birthday boy, Kaushik, wore his new dress and started playing the piano. As he pressed the keys, a sweet tone started welcoming the guests. "Kids!", I thought, "so many of them are coming. I will surely have fun". I like kids very much for their innocence.

The kids came in lots, holding their parents. And when they left their parents for their usual gossip, they started grouping together. I prefer kids compared to elders. So I went to them and started talking to them. Suddenly I found that they talk different languages and most of them are multilingual. There were many telugu and tamil speaking ones, few hindi speaking kids and two kannada speaking brothers. They all talk well in their own language and know little bit english and tamil. It was sufficient for them to have fun. I liked them very much, for they understand each other very well, in spite of the fact that they can't communicate well. That's why they are great!

It was tough for me to talk. I know telugu and english, but only little hindi and zero kannada. And I found one little hindi speaking kid who was very enthusiastic. His name was something like kushal or kushoni. I couldn't understand him well. He talks hindi better than me and the embarassing part to me is that he is in PRE_KG! A pre-kg fellow talks hindi better than me!!! I can't accept such a thing. So I started talking to him. He is a chatterbox like me and more open than me. He beats me in all my qualities, except for my little knowledge in sciences, which he couldn't understand. So here is a small conversation:
He:"tera naam kya hi?"
I:"mera to naam nahi hi"
He:"naam nahi tere ko? tho ghar me kya bulate hi?"
I:"ghar me tho kashyap bulate hi", "Tum kya kar the ho?"
He:"main school me padta hu. Tum school jate ho kya?"
I:"nahi. Tum ko balloon chahiye kya? voh bada red vala"
He:"Voh red nahi. maroon!"
I:"Acha, yes. maroon wala. tum chote ho na. main lekar ata hun"
He:"main bade ho ne se tum ko balloon de doongE"
...

Like that we chatted and ate sweets, chips, bonda, bajji, everything. I took photos of all those kids. I don't know any of them and I am not sure if I will meet them again. They don't have email ids or phone numbers to keep in contact. I don't think they will worry about such things. All they want is fun and they don't mind playing with anybody who likes to play with them. I like the way they live. When we grow old, we start clinging to things and also people. People develop tastes and have huge list of preferences. I still like to play like a kid and have fun with anybody who likes to play with me. But unfortunately many people act like they are grown ups and never play with me. Hey Rama Chandra! why don't you make everybody a kid? Then, I can play with everybody!

Love-II

Time has come to write another article on Love :). Suffixing the previous entry's title was really good idea, otherwise I have to come up with a new title for this entry.

I like to live the life of ideal characters, 'Ramaha', 'Shivaha', 'Anjaneya', 'Sita', etc. I am a old style person, and hence I like those characters. I also like carnatic and hindustani music. That's why many people don't like me :). Many don't like the music translations in my blog. There are many people who don't like many of my things and ways.

But the music translations which I write are for my favorite songs. I listen to them day and night and sing them all the time. I like to write about them. Similary Ram ji, Sita devi, Parvathiparameshwarau, etc., are my gods and friends from a long time. I can't take anybody else as ideal. But many people don't like it. They are not like me, or in other words, I am not like them. My granny once said "You are all like me. That's why I made friendship". But after some time, she said "You are not like me. I don't want to make friendship. Good bye". I felt very bad. After thinking for a long time, I decided not to make friends. And I stopped being friendly for a long time. During last summer, I didn't make any new friends at Google(except my mentors). I was scared that people will not like me because I am not like them. I was very sad. I don't want to reminisce those old sad, gloomy days. After coming out of that sadness, I understood many important things in life. Here they go:

• I don't need to be like others. I don't need to listen to latest music because lot of people do so. It is good to live like Rama, Krishna, etc.
  
• But now, people may not like you and don't make friendship. These days people have completely messed up definitions of friendship. If you show pity and try to help, they may not like it. But if another does, they accept it very happily. Sometimes showing pity itself is a crime. You will be hated and cursed.
• So how do you deal with so many weird people. They want you to act like them, or otherwise they won't like you. They want you to act nicely till the work is done and then leave. How to deal with such people?
• The solution is "Love". Ah! finally to the crux of the story. I just need to love all. Never hate. See through love and everything will fall straight. Once Slinky said "You should not see the world through these these black and white shades". He was right. We should not even have two labels like good, bad; love, hate; etc. We should just see through only one color, i.e. love. And everything will be clear.
  
• Love all your friends and make sure that you do it by not causing pain to them. Love will never cause pain to the lover or the beloved. Therefore love them and do things which will be good for your friends, but it should not be wrong doing. If your friend does wrongs, warn him/her and still he doesn't stop doing bad to the world, act against him if you are the right person to do so. And surely leave him, without hating.
  
• Love those who don't like your habits. Understand that they are innocent beings who are unable to accept you, as you are.
  
• "A friend in need is a friend in deed". You don't really need namesake friends, who don't need you unless there is work with you. You don't need such friends who can't love you back. A friend is one who can love you back like you love him/her. He may not help you sometimes, but that is because he/she might have felt that it is not right to help or he/she is busy.
  
• Love turns into care when you have to freedom to do so. Care doesn't mean pestering. It is very simple to understand. If you find that your friend is not well, you will ask him/her how he/she is and buy them a fruit or a biscuit packet if you can. This is care and you can do it for all your friends. Those who love you back will never hate you when you care about them.
  
• Love is one of the best ways to deal with people. Love is not work done to others. You don't love somebody because he/she works very well for you. You should never love for the work they have done. You should love all for they are all beings like you.
  
• Help is different from love. You may have preference in helping. In general, you like to help your mother more than your friend. This is because of the love they show. Your credits belong to all those who love you. It is because of them that you have come this far. Without them you are nothing. Therefore giving preference in helping is nothing wrong. And love decides the preference. In India we have a great tradition of taking guest as god. Here is a nice story which highlights that tradition: "There was once a little village, and in it there dwelt a poor Brahmin with his wife, his son, and his son's wife. They were very poor and lived on small gifts made to them for preaching and teaching. There came in that land a three years' famine, and the poor Brahmin suffered more than ever. At last when the family had starved for days, the father brought home one morning a little barley flour, which he had been fortunate enough to obtain, and he divided it into four parts, one for each member of the family. They prepared it for their meal, and just as they were about to eat, there was a knock at the door. The father opened it, and there stood a guest. Now in India a guest is a sacred person; he is as a god for the time being, and must be treated as such. So the poor Brahmin said, 'Come in, sir; you are welcome,' He set before the guest his own portion of the food, which the guest quickly ate and said, 'Oh, sir, you have killed me; I have been starving for ten days, and this little bit has but increased my hunger.' Then the wife said to her husband, 'Give him my share,' but the husband said, 'Not so.' The wife however insisted, saying, 'Here is a poor man, and it is our duty as householders to see that he is fed, and it is my duty as a wife to give him my portion, seeing that you have no more to offer him.' Then she gave her share to the guest, which he ate, and said he was still burning with hunger. So the son said, 'Take my portion also; it is the duty of a son to help his father to fullfil his obligations.' The guest ate that, but remained still unsatisfied; so the son's wife gave him her portion also. That was sufficient, and the guest departed, blessing them. That night those four people died of starvation". You can see that the poor brahmin gave preference to wife and children first and then to the guest. He gave his share to the guest. His wife and children also gave preference to the guest and gave their share to him. They gave preference to the guest more than themselves because the guest is in need and has pleaded them. Showing love/mercy is the greatest quality. Here, there is no question of "should I give to my son or the guest". But the question is "should I eat or my guest". And since helping is great, he chose it compared to his self need. That's the path less taken and hence it became the greatest sacrifice in history.
  

Now you can see the power of love and how you can understand everything in terms of it. It is not simple to love everybody and everything. I can't fully love those who hate me. When my granny passes by, my heart beats 120 and sometimes I get very scared that she will shout at me. I know that she hates me and curses me when I am nearby. Hopefully I will get used to it and happily sing even before her.

I conclude this post by pointing out to two AWESOME songs:
song1 song2

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Notes:
1. The brahmin story is taken from Vivekananda's "Secret of work".
2. If you want to know the meaning of the first song, check:
http://www.ruclip.com/video/klsLXm_r01U/lord-krishna-muddugare-yashoda-annamayya-kirtana-devotional-song.html