The dark world

Heard the song "Yeh duniya agar mil bhi jaaye to kya hai"?. This article is based on it. You can listen to the song here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSo3KVwrp8M

--

I see the people, all of them,

insane and dark.

Selfish motives,

only to die one day.

Mean and heartless people!

Where are those?

Those who truly love,

those who truly follow their dharma.

Of what avail is it,

if I prove myself?

If I prove that,

I truly love and do my duty,

what will I gain?

Am I selfish in asking the gain?

But without gain, there is only pain.

I can't die. Nor can I escape the pain.

I will bear it! I will sacrifice my"self".

I will prove myself, for they say

that after pain comes true love,

like lightness comes after darkness.

In the corner of the lab

In the corner of the lab,
lies a lonely kid who works and works and works.
Once in while does he try to get noticed,

but ends up boring his observers.

Far away lie his pals and far away are his parents.

And hence he is alone.

Very thankful to a dear friend,

he gave the chair beside him to her.

But she never sits.

Very grateful to his God,

he gave his heart to him.

But sadly he never comes.

He works tirelessly, but neither for fame nor name.

He works for his Lord.

And he waits patiently,

for he thinks that his Lord will come for him

and his friend will sit beside and help.

Days and years pass, but nothing ever happens.

Ultimately, tired of work, he reaches the end of life.

Not withstanding the pain of waiting, he starts crying.

Then, suddenly, he hears his friend's voice from inside,

"I am you, living in you all the time. I'm the God."

With those words, the little kid leaves his last breath,

the kid who used to sit in the corner of the lab.

A whining kid

Lot of people know that I act like a kid. But, sometimes, I act like a whining kid; complaining and fighting over silly things. And I think I should get rid of that :). There is a quote by Eckhart Tolle, which says:‎

"To complain is always non-acceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness."

Therefore I should completely stop complaining and accept the situation as it is.

When a little kid falls and gets hurt, his mom will try to soothe him by saying "Don't worry, the pain will go.". But when the kid grows, he starts attributing it to something and tries to satisfy himself making that something a reason for his bad luck. A little kid would not do so, because he would not even understand why he got hurt. And I think we should all be exactly like little kids. Because we don't know why things happen they way they are and why we get hurt.

Sadly, I have fought like a bad kid with many of my friends. Recently too, I fought with a dear friend and acted very bad. I fought over silly things like "why are you thanking me so much?", "why are you not smiling?", etc. Thinking back, they look so stupid and meaningless reasons to fight. Luckily, I have a really good bunch of friends. And this dear friend explained me how much of havoc I created and forgave me for my mistake. But I may not be lucky all the time and I should learn to be like a little kid who just cries when he gets hurt, but doesn't complain to anybody. Its that innocence which makes them Gods.

Sage-ified!

After all, I am named after the great sage "Kashyapaha". Isn't it justifiable to be like to him?

Let me tell you why I think I am a sage:

1. I eat twice a day, sometimes only once. Other times, I fill my stomach with fruits, milk, biscuits, etc.

2. I try to be affable and very helpful to people. That's how so many people know me.

3. I utter Ram Chandra ji's name all the time. Always singing and walking in the department, I am well known for the noise I make.

4. I spend most of the time alone, because there are very few people, whom I think are my friends and relatives. My heart is with someone, soul with Ram ji, and body is busy with work. So there is nothing left with me, as my own. Friends come and go, parents can't stay with me. So I've decided that I will stay alone in life.

5. Sage also means a wise person. Not many, but there are few who think that I have a good head. But I am surely not an egghead.

6. Sages are always happy, laughing and sometimes cunning too. Though I am not that good at this, but still, I am happy most of the time because I have nothing to worry about. And I am very cunning also. I often lash doors when somebody is inside and run away. Once, somebody showed me a book and asked me who's book it was and if he could take it to his room and read. I told him to just take it home and if somebody complained, then put it back clandestinely.

7. Last but not the least, don't I look like a sage in the picture?, think of the bottle as kamandal(am)(u). It was given by my sister. I guess she too knew that I was going to be a sage.

Aren't the seven points cogent enough to prove that I am a sage? If not, talk to me and you'll surely agree. From now on, call me "Sage Kashyap" :-).

Hide and seek

I seek from them, my strength, happiness and love.

They are the sweet kids of my father,

and they play hide and seek all the time.

Some can hide well and some cannot.

Some hide faraway and some close by.

Wherever they are, I cannot forget them,

for they are all my own siblings.

Winning or losing does not matter,

what matters is whether they are

in the game or not, for it gives me

hope that I will find them one day.

Sometimes my heart longs to see

a few who always try to hide.

But they say that when I grow old

and when this game gets boring,

my father would come and take me home.

There I can rest on my mother's lap

and watch others play the game.

Relations

What are these which form and break

like the bubbles in a foam.

Who makes them? And why?

May be I innocently make them,

even though they don't last long.

Expectations kill them and

hide them without my knowing.

But what is wrong in expecting?

What is wrong in expecting

a father or a mother to be kind and caring?

a brother or a sister to be nice and supportive?

a friend to be good and helpful?

May be the world has grown bad.

A friend is made when there is need

and is left just after it is over.

A brother or a sister would forget you

once they find their mate.

But those two are the poor ones

who care for the obvious reason

that I am their successor.

Oftentimes I wonder why

we need such relations.

Those futile ones where

there is no love, no value.

May be I don't need them.

I can still help others for

I love and pray for all.

Thence I break them all but one,

the one with my own self.

True friends

I'm a rock by the side of the ocean,

moving slowly into it each second.

Many grains meet me in commotion,

but none would stay till the end.

There are my true rocky friends,

trudging behind me till my death.

I always feel their love, as each sends

it from the inside, from infinite depth.

--

Inspiration:

1. My home town Visakhapatnam is located in the coastal area and has a very beautiful beach.

2. My true friends like my mom, sister, etc., who stay away but still love me a lot.

Committing? But why?

Every now and then friends ask me why I don't find a girl and become committed. Last night another friend asked me the same question. Therefore I have decided to write a blog on it.

I believe in following my duty (dharma). I think that this is the time for me to study and get a good degree. To me, committing to a girl is not a simple thing. It is not falling before her and telling 'I love you'. I need to get a nod from my mother, my sister and all my close friends. It is important because those are the people who are the reason for what I am now.

If a person really loves you, then you too love him/her. What is the need for securing and tagging the relation as "committed". As they say, time is the real tester. If that person really loves you and understands you, then he/she will wait for you. Otherwise that person will leave. And if you leave that person in between, he/she will understand that you are a cheater. I don't think there is need to become "committed" and do something something. Being good, great and best friend is enough to love a person. I am not talking about romantic love here. I am talking about the type of love that one has towards their parents, siblings, etc.

Haven't you watched 3 idiots? What did the heroine do? Didn't she wait for him till the end? And did the hero marry somebody else? No. That's why it is true love and that's why it is a movie ;).

Another issue that crops up here is issue of following tradition. I am a brahmin, a very strict brahmin :). According to my family customs, I should go for an arranged marriage. But I don't believe in arranged marriages. Arranged marriages make sense only when they are done at a very young age and the person who arranges it is really great and has the power to see the future. I don't think such things can happen now a days. Every tradition has such obsolete stuff and we should think before following them.

The final question that is left is "What if there is difference in traditions between the two who love?". Last semester, one of the HS profs, Shreesh Chaudhary Sir, asked this question to the students - "Lets say that you marry a person who speaks a different language. Which language do you want your children to learn?". Believe me, it is a very tough question to answer :). I feel that love is magical and it transcends customs and traditions. If great Rama Chandra decides to do that way, then there is no choice but to respect him and follow the difficult track.

A little kid

Kashyap is a little kid -

• who likes to turn his way to the cry of a meow and say hi to it. The cat stumbled upon the sudden greeting of a human turns dumb till he leaves. But the little boy wanted the cat to say "hi".
• who likes to make his birthday party with the help of his family and call all his friends to his home. But his home is far away and only his sister lives near to him and she doesn't like to celebrate birthdays.
• who likes to whistle and wake up the dogs in the early morning. He would say "Good morning!" to them, but they would be lazy and ignore him.
• who thinks that he is a superman and takes up everything. But finally he finds that he is a normal human and struggles to finish the things he takes.
• who likes to fight kung fu with his elephant brother. But his brother has grown weak and his elephant trait has long vanished.
• who likes to fight with his sister saying "You are my monkey sister". But his sister would never say "You are my donkey brother".
• who likes to stay with his mother and work for her. But fate holds him tight and only lets him see his mother work for him all the time.
• who likes to make friends with all good people. But an old friend taught him that not everybody will be good to him and not everybody can love everybody.
• who likes to cry if somebody insults and accuses him. But his family would run and console him.
• who likes to live a good life with the help of his great lord Rama Chandra. But his lord never cared to look at him even once.

Ah! it is so tough to love all

All the time I have been believing that one should love all human beings. But I find it very tough, much tougher than anything I ever did. Every time I think that I have mastered the art of loving all, I face a situation where I fail in it. Life has become like a game between me and the Lord. He has been winning all the time. I just hope that in the end, I leave the game with a draw, if not with a win.

Today I realized that the six emotions called kama, krodha, moha, madha, lobha, and ahamkara are the cause for all the problems. They are very much related to love. You'll be able to show love only when you understand that these emotions play with not just you but with any being. You can get rid of these bad emotions only through practice and with the help of yoga. "This" is a very interesting article on these emotions. In the end, it says that only when we are aware of these emotions, we can do something in life. It is a very good practice to take a few minutes in a day and think of how you got affected by these emotions and how can you improve yourself.

Back to the topic of love, you need to understand that others are just like you and often get affected by these bad emotions. Only then you'll be able to love them. Here are few examples from my life:

1. A friend whom I helped many times is about to get his degree. And he doesn't need any help from me now. Now when I wish him casually, he would not reply and instead shouts at me saying why I am talking to him. He is one of those who thinks that life is just to marry, enjoy and leave. Since he is going to get his degree, his next need is to get a girl. He doesn't care about anything else. He is completely played by these bad emotions. I need to understand it and love him. I should not get hurt. There are many people who think that life is over after getting a degree and marriage. I don't think, now a days, anybody thinks of "moksha", "understanding life and god", etc. as their goals. I am an old fashioned person, so I believe that my goal in life is to understand life and achieve "moksha".

2. There is a person who was a very good friend, whom I cared a lot and helped a lot. And it happened like the story of kings in the history, where a king brings his child with great care and love, but the boy thinks "Let me put my father behind the bars, I can become the king" and puts his father in jail. It is ahamkara, which is the cause of the problem. Similarly that person, who was a very good friend, forgot everything I did and blamed me for spoiling her life. And she forced me to break friendship and leave. So I did what she wanted.

2. God has given me a brother and sister. Both of them are very alike. They get angry and frustrated easily. My sister gets frustrated by small small things. And my brother gets angry easily if I say something against him. Though I tell them not be angry, they quickly forget. Nevertheless, they love me very much and I love them too. Therefore I don't mind if they are angry or shout at me, I just warn them that they should bear things and not get angry quickly. I can bear them, but tomorrow they may stay with somebody who does not have so much love and patience. Then it will be a problem.

The art of loving is to adjust ourselves as much as possible and not to pain others. It doesn't mean that you should leave Dharma. One should always stick to his/her Dharma. I am a student and my Dharma is to study well. I can't forget it and enjoy all the time giving treats and parties, even though it may make many happy. Love is not to impress others. It is to understand their problems and feel for it. If you can do something for the other, good. But if you can't, you should bear the pain. For example, when I go out of my institute, I see so many child beggars. Seeing them my heart melts like ice, and I start giving whatever I can. But still it doesn't make me happy. Imagine how many such people will be there in our country. In my current state, I can't do anything but bear that I am incapable. Even the ten rupee note I give to a child may not make him happy. Most likely he will misuse it. Therefore we should understand that all we can do is love them, and try to help them. We may not know whether the help is really helpful or not. The only little fruitful help I do for the poor is praying god, requesting him to help them. That's all I can do, and I am doing it.

I am a big fan of Lord Rama Chandra, who has a very loving heart. Words are not sufficient to describe him. The best ones which could describe him barely are some beautiful songs. One among them, which I found recently, is mAmava paTTabhirAma (Click here for lyrics). The song describes the pattabhisheka of Rama, after returning to Ayodhya after aranyavasa. The song is just marvelous.

Oh why do I crave?

Today is a great day for I have re-learned a good lesson. The lesson that you should not crave for people, but love them. Long ago, may be a couple of years back, I used to think of love as craving, to twaddle around praising the beloved. But after making good friendship with friends like Vinu, I understood that I was wrong. The foolish claims of granny and grandpa also strengthened my understanding of love and craving. But still I fell into his[1] trap and started craving.

Lets see how I fell into his[1] trap. I live an independent life, mostly a lonely one. I live by the principle that you should love everybody. Love, to me, is simply "being open to experiencing the anguish of another person's suffering. and the the willingness to live with the helpless knowing that we can do nothing to save the other from his pain". I care about those who love me back. But very few people care about me and love me. The most important ones are those in my family. None of them except my sister is here. Now she is also going to leave in few months, making me completely lone person. This fact has been stressing me to think more about her. I have been trying to serve her in some way or other, like cleaning her desk, etc., even though she doesn't need (She's more independent than me). And one day I stupidly thought that I should enjoy with her. But she is busy with her project. So I started craving for her. My anguish forced me to pain her many times. Finally, today I realized the fact that I have been craving to be with her for last few days. And I took good action to avoid it. This is what happened today:

Today, I took my sister's cycle and when I went to return the keys, I thought I would enjoy with her for few minutes, which is what I have been craving for. So I went to her lab and handed over the keys. Then I said that I would sit for few minutes. But she told me to leave. And I didn't leave. She requested me once again. But I didn't leave. So she got angry and left. Then I realized my foolishness and told her (via mail) that I would not talk to her for the next one month.

By not talking to her, I will stop thinking of how to get to her, and start loving her in the right way. If I love her truly, from inside my heart, the only thing that matters is how she is doing and not what she has done for me. I believe that she loves me as a brother and cares about me. It is my fault to doubt her and indulge in craving.

Moral:

It is not easy to avoid craving and it is very tough to avoid craving for those whom you like. My solution to it is to re-establish the love from both sides. Staying away from those who love you is the greatest pain. Even great Rama Chandra couldn't bear it and thought of destroying the whole world for the sake of Sita. But since he loves all the beings, he refrained from destroying the world. He is my favorite person and he helps all those who love him, without any discrimination. The best example is the story "Gajendra moksha", in which he completely forgets everything and starts running to save Gajendra.

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1 - 'his' refers to Lord Ram Chandra's